Antidepressants, End the Stigma.

Hey guys! It’s been a long time since I have blogged anything on my actual website. As many of you know, I’ve had a pretty rough go of it the last few years. Life overwhelmed me and I had to let some things go – blogging was one of them. With that being said, I seem to be getting my feet back on the ground. A huge part of that is antidepressants.

One month ago, I was prescribed a small dose of an antidepressant to take daily. I was very skeptical of taking medication because I felt like I needed to solve my issues internally, not medically. I was terrified of becoming this medicated zombie with no emotion or drive to live, just exist. Thanks to the support of my mom and therapist I finally took the plunge and went to my primary care doctor. He was excellent! He listened carefully to my feelings, heard my concerns, discussed family history & made a decision based on what he thought would work best for my situation. He insisted I called him if anything came up or we needed to change anything. I felt like he truly cared about me rather than just shoving medicine down my throat. (I had that experience when I tried antidepressants before with a different doctor.)

Over the course of the first 3 (ish) weeks I have had several side effects, some were good others a little bad but nothing serious. For the first week I was really tired. At the same time, I was sick with some bug and had a fever for 3 days. I’m sure that the medicine and illness worked together to make me sleepy. Which my doctor told me it could make me a little sleepy at first. The second week I still had a hard time getting out of bed in the morning. You know when you take a Benadryl, get like the best sleep ever and can hardly peel your eyes open because it was THAT good? That’s how I felt. So, it wasn’t bad I just had to give myself more time before I could truly focus on my morning Wordle! Within that second week I found myself being really lazy and particularly not caring about much. My house is a mess? I don’t care. The marina might have damage because of snow? Yep, I can’t control mother nature. This was good and bad. I was giving myself more grace than I ever have before. But, I also didn’t care enough to keep up with any house chores or personal goals. I was so mellow. Life was weird because I am not mellow at all. This was concerning me, so I discussed it with my mom. She ensured me that continuing the medicine for at least a month was the right thing to do. “Give it time, everything will balance out. You will feel emotion again.” And boy was she right….

Today marks the end of the month. I can happily say things did balance out. I feel, I care, I have motivation and I am still that go-getter girl who shoots for the stars. I just don’t have daily anxiety attacks because I feel like I am failing in every aspect of my life.

Really, I went from having an anxiety attack every. single. day. to have ONE single anxiety attack this month. It wasn’t even a severe one.

I found myself feeling slightly down one time because I was overwhelmed about all the house chores I have let go. For once though, it did not feel like the whole world was crashing down. I didn’t feel like I needed to just fade away into oblivion because I have failed and can’t catch up. It was like ‘Ok. I have let stuff go. I can’t do that for so long anymore. Where do I start?’

I realized during this time that my depression and anxiety is not something I can only solve internally, but I also need medication. My brain is wired differently. Yes, life’s circumstances haven’t necessarily helped, but I can’t internally sort through my anxiety and depression. I have had it as long as I can remember. It’s part of my chemical makeup, part of what makes me who I am. In order to survive the battle, I need to do internal work and take antidepressants. There is no sense in fighting a losing battle when science has provided us with medication. I encourage you to talk to your doctors and therapist. Antidepressants have changed my life for the better. I have never felt so good.

Thank you for following along my journey! Please share to help raise awareness and end the stigma.

National Suicide Hotline 1-800-273-8255