April 7th, 2020 – Worst Day of My Life

On April 3rd we welcomed our son, Oliver, into the world. We were consumed with happiness. On April 5th we came home from the hospital. Due to Covid, we were not planning on allowing anyone to see Oliver other than our parents. We were scared something would happen to our brand new baby & wanted to take as many precautions as possible. That afternoon my mom and dad were going to come meet their grandson in full PPE. Mom called me before they left to see if it would be ok if Donnie, my little brother, came with. I was hesitant but said yes. Thank God I did. It was the last time I got to see my brother & the only time Oliver ever got to see his uncle.

Things were great up until the afternoon of the 7th. I was recovering very well from giving birth, Tim and I were rocking and rolling on the sleep schedule, we even made time to go on a walk. It was while we were on that walk, enjoying our new life, when my world fell apart. I got home to see I had missed 2 calls from my sisters ex boyfriend… I thought that was really weird but didn’t call back. Within minutes, Tim called his sister to invite them over to meet Oliver for the first time as a social distance visit. That’s when we found out there was a really bad motorcycle accident. They told us traffic was backed up so it would be awhile before they got here. I checked Facebook to see the WCIL report, Life Flight had been called in. I instantly called Donnie to see if he was in the accident. I prayed to God it wasn’t him… Donnie’s friend answered his phone. Hearing a voice, I was in instant relief. This friend quickly interrupted my praise for Donnie being okay to tell me that Donnie was in the accident. He was being flown to Columbia, it’s really bad and he ended the call with “I have to go.” I cussed him out. Yelling, “Is he alive! Give the f*ucking phone to the EMT! Do not hang up!”

I was so clustered. I had no idea what to do. I jumped in my car and headed to the accident, flying through town. I was screaming at the hop of my lungs. Praying “God, let him live.” I tried calling everyone in my family. I wasn’t sure who knew what was going on. Thankfully, my parents knew and were on scene. Some good people came to their house and met them as they were pulling in the driveway from work.

I made it to where the traffic was backed up. I jumped out of my car, at least a mile from the scene. Crying, screaming, praying to God. I watched them load Donnie in the helicopter & take off for Columbia. I finally just said to hell with it and drove on the shoulder until I was close enough to run up there. I saw my parents leave the scene & they called me to tell me what was going on. They didn’t really know anything, just that they were going to Columbia. “You need to stay here. You can’t come to Columbia, you have that little boy to take care of. We aren’t even sure if they’ll let us in the hospital.” After that call I got out of the car to talk to the Police. They told me “He’s got a fighting chance” and explained that Donnie did not cause the accident. He was hit by someone who wasn’t paying close enough attention. I remember seeing the Monroe City Fire Department cleaning up the glass with a big broom. I remember the car that hit Donnie being towed off. I remember seeing my sisters ex boyfriend and finally putting the pieces together as to why he called. I remember seeing Donnie’s bike, bent all to hell. The officer helped me pull off the scene to head home.

My sister met me at my house. We used one of her EMT connections to learn more about what happened. The EMT told us Donnie had a large cut on his throat but it wasn’t life threatening. She told us from what she saw, he would be okay, but they can’t tell if a person has brain damage on the scene. That’s why he was Life Flighted. From that we got so much relief. We thought he’s going to be okay. Maybe paralyzed, but it sounds like he could be fine.

My parents called to let me know that they had made it to Columbia but couldn’t go inside. They’d update us as soon as anything changed.

With all this relief, my sister left & I started to make dinner. I was just beginning to make chicken for teriyaki chicken stir fry when I got another call from my mom. I was standing next to our used, half chewed up, green couch. I answered the phone and I knew by my moms voice, it was really bad. My whole body froze. “We lost our Donnie.”

I collapsed on the floor, sobbing. Tim was in the kitchen, with tears in his eyes. He knew what just happened. I picked myself up off the floor, and asked what happened.

Donnie was coding, for the second time. They did a CT Scan and discovered that IF he survived this code, he would never wake up again. They brought my parents into the hospital to give them this news. My parents were forced to make the decision to end life saving measures.

Around 4 in the morning I got up to take care of Oliver. I remember sitting on his nursery floor, holding him in my arms while sobbing. I had finally come to the realization that this is real. “Donnie was in an accident, he was Life Flighted, he had an unsurvivable brain injury , he coded, his heart stopped.” I repeated this to myself over and over again. I didn’t have any other words. The next two weeks were a complete blur.

I was robbed of normalcy. I was robbed of a normal postpartum journey. I was robbed of all the happiness that came with my new baby boy. Grief consumed me. Putting my head down and getting to work was the only thing that kept me from falling apart. I had a funeral to plan, I had a son to feed. I focused on those two things.

This week is incredibly tough for me. I remember a time when the stars aligned. I remember all the joy that came with Oliver & I feel all the sadness that came with losing Donnie. It hurts to know I will never again be as happy as I was from April 3rd through the moment I found out Donnie was in the accident. There will always be a piece of me missing.

I write this because I have wanted to get this story off my chest. I want people to somewhat understand why I am the way I am. To understand why I cry on Oliver’s birthday, when it should be a day filled with joy. To understand what changed my life, what molded me into the person I am today. To understand that there can be some happiness in grief, and grief in happiness. To understand that the girl you knew years ago, is long gone. I grew up in an instant. I will never be the same and in some ways, that is for the better.

I miss my brother terribly.

In memory of Donald Quigley. April 4th, 2002 – April 7th, 2020